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My grandmother texts like an insane supervillain but she's sweet

tfw you remember that literally all programmers used to be women until men realized that it was actual intellectual work and ran them out of the field so that 17 year old shitheads could make posts on reddit about how man brains are genetically wired for programming

aragorn: every day frodo moves closer to morodor.

gandalf: do we know that?

aragorn: what does your heart tell you?

gandalf (listens): "i fucken love pumping blood. i could do this all day lol"

aragorn: weird lmao

misogyny 

just saw someone named their child "Payleigh" and I'm going to lay down and die now

Shout out to everyone hollering on their phones at CVS, I crave your lack of self-awareness.

lol ok my dude, you’re definitely the good guy in this story

I’ve had a rash of very earnest and needy responses to jokes of mine in the last 48 hours, and I’ve decided dick must be in retrograde.

Getting a flu shot and a pneumonia shot today because I don’t trust germs in other humans

Watching the newest season of Great British Bake Off (the real new season, not the one on Netflix), and there are two people I strongly dislike and desperately home they are gone soon.

Someone on TV just referred to 1980 as "nearly 40 years ago" and my soul just left my body.

Christ almighty the idea of walking through a Disney park in these shoes hurts my feet just looking at them.

disneybound.co/post/1776369741

@Ross Genesis 1:26-27
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.”

To the people leaving dot social reminder you can export your follows by going to settings > data export, download the csv of your following list then on your new account go to data import and load in that file! Makes switching over way quicker and easier.

In every episode of the new season of Great British Baking Show on Netflix I holler “GET IT TOGETHER STACY” at least five times.

Dudes who immediately raise a red flag with me, a partial list:
- describe themselves as “contrarian”
- love 2 play “devil’s advocate”
- make “ironic” racist / sexist / transphobic / homophobic / ableist “jokes”
- need reassurance that they’re “one of the good ones”
- JAQ-offs
- expect / request targets of oppression to act like teachers, as if we’re not all on the same goddamned internet. Do you a google, bro, and leave the rest of us alone.

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Mastodon.host

What sets mastodon.host appart?

As a general instance, we are not centered on a specific theme, or a specific language. Everyone is welcome as long as they follow the few rules we have.

We always run the latest stable version of Mastodon, providing you a stock experience, with the following modifications:

  • 2048 character limit (not 500).
  • 512 character limits for the account's bio (not 160).
  • full column width (not fixed size).
  • more search results (20 instead of 5 per type of search).
  • Audio upload (not limited to videos only).
  • full text search of statuses (not restricted to searching tags and users).
  • trending tags are displayed on the main UI ( and a more complete view is available here)
  • boosts and replies are shown in the timelines (more complete view for everyone).
  • Your mastodon.host account is also a XMPP account (Federated Instant Messaging, take a look online to find a client and use your mastodon.host username and password to configure it, you can also use our online web client). Woohoo! two services in one!
  • We also have a very good view of the federation (our federated timeline gives you a more broad view of the Mastodon network than a 'normal' instance, there's a lot to read in a lot of languages).
  • We also host a Peertube instance for the convenience. Try it and let us know what you think !
  • In the same vein, we host a Funkwhale instance for the convenience. Try it and let us know what you think !
  • If you want to be on a more quiet, moderated instance, or use another AP implementation, we host a Pleroma instance for the convenience. This is the same fediverse as with Mastodon, but with a different default UI and way more optimized backend. Try and see which one you prefer !
  • Now if you want a different UI, the stock mastodon one does not please you, you can check Pinafore.
  • We do also host for the convenience a video Conference server ( Jitsi Meet )
  • We have a mastodon relay for other instances to bootstrap their timelines: https://relay.mastodon.host

Although we are a medium+ sized instance, we'd like to keep the feeling that you are at home and safe here.